World Suicide Prevention Day: Top 15 Empowering Songs When You Need a Pick-Me-Up

In the spirit of World Suicide Prevention Day, I wanted to share with you some empowering songs, that are great for when you need a little pick-me-up. What I love most about music is how incredibly emotive it is, and these are the songs on my empowering playlist, that I really find can help give you that extra little kick of strength when you need it most.

World Suicide Prevention Day: What It Means To Me

Today, September 10th, is World Suicide Prevention Day. Of all causes out there in the world, this is one of the very closest to my heart, as someone who has both battled with severe depression, and lost a family member to suicide.

It is also particularly prominent to me as it is 5 years ago this week, on the 13th, since my life was turned upside down, and my depression entirely took over my life. To say these 5 years have been a roller coaster would be a complete understatement.

I have been lower than I ever knew to be humanly possible. I have lived inside the darkness, where for months on end I simply could not see a possible future past that day, that week, and certainly not that year. I have had times where I have been unable to get out of bed, let alone leave the house. Over this time I have punished myself by starving myself for days on end, purging every single thing I ate, and slicing hundreds, possibly thousands, of cuts into my body. I have weighed less than a child, seen my bones, and still hated myself for being ‘fat.’ I have carved into my wrist drunkenly with a kitchen knife, and taken two overdoses which hospitalised me, each time feeling even more broken for failing.

While I have been on the slow and treacherous road to recovery over the last couple of years, never once did I actually think I’d be where I have arrived in the last few months. For the first time in my entire life, I can look in a mirror and not despise what I see. In fact, there are times I actually think I look nice. Yes, there are lumps and bumps there that I don’t like, but for the first time, I’m still gonna eat that damn pizza, or that whole tub of ice cream, if I damn well feel like it. Or whatever the hell I want. And maybe I’ll go for a run tomorrow to compensate, but maybe I won’t. But I’m not gonna torture myself either way.

For the first time, I do not feel guilty for simply being me. I no longer have an overwhelming sense that I am a horrible, pathetic person, who is worthless, and nothing but a burden to those around me.

In fact, I know myself to be a loving, loyal and caring person. I will go above and beyond for my friends and family. I am someone who is, or at least can be, fun to be around. Hell, at times I think I’m damn right hilarious! I also finally know that I deserve to be loved and cared for too. I have skills and talents. I am able to set myself goals for my future, like writing my book, like getting married and having a family, because I can finally see myself actually having a future, one where I am happy and loved and deserve to be so.

I am also no longer ashamed to talk about where I was, because I am proud of how far I have come. I see the scars on my body and they are a reminder that I was stronger than what tried to destroy me. They are my battle scars and they remind me that I won the battle.

I am not what happened to me. I am not what you made me and I am not what you did. I am what I choose to be. And I choose to be happy, and fearless, and beautiful, and loved; just the way I am.

And right now? Sure, I’m not where I thought I’d be when I mapped out my life as a kid, or at school. Hell, I’m freshly single at 24, with barely a clue what the hell I wanna do in life. But I feel strong, and fearless, and empowered and amazing. There are so many things I want to do and see and read and taste in this crazy, beautiful world we live in, and I am excited to get out there and do it all. For the first time I can hand on heart say: I love my life. I have an incredible family and network of friends, as well as this unbelievable online community, all of whom mean the world to me, and I can count on for support. I am lucky enough to live on this absolutely amazing little island, surrounded by beaches and beauty. I don’t know where I’m going yet, or exactly what I’m doing, and that is so totally okay. Because it’s going to be an amazing journey getting there, and I plan to have one hell of a ride!

To any one who is still going through that darkness:

When you are not able to see a way out, I promise you it is still there. Believe me, I know, I know – it’s almost impossible to believe someone who says it – I used to think the same. ‘That’s great for you, but it’s just not gonna happen for me,’ was what I thought when I read stories of recovery and coming out the other side. But I promise you, it is 100% within your grasp. It is going to be difficult, and long and there are times you will slip but that is totally okay. You’ll get there. And even when you are there, you may still have bad days, but again: that is totally okay. You’re human. We are fragile, and we are allowed to feel down, and weak and sad at times. Even without reason. More than anything, I urge you to talk to someone. A friend, a family member, a therapist or a helpline. Sometimes it’s easier talking to a total stranger.
Here’s the number for the Samaritans: 08457 909090, or alternatively please feel free to email me here, and I promise I will always be there to talk or listen.

Just don’t go through this on your own. You are not alone, not ever, no matter how much it feels that way.

And no matter how much you can’t see it, the following things never cease to be true:

• You are beautiful.
• You matter.
• You are unique.
• No one else can play your part.
• You are loved.
• You would be missed.
• Life goes on.

I’ll see you tomorrow xxx

RIP Dusty, you are forever missed xxxxx

The Great Jersey Bake Off

A totally un-book-related post, but it’s been such a fun and yummy day!

I’m lucky enough to be friends with the fabulous Rosie from Rosebud Bakes. We do a charity day every month at work, that usually involves a bake-sale of some sort, but this month, Rosie suggested we should do a Bake-Off in honour of GBBO…and what a treat it’s been!

We definitely know how to get everyone around the office involved in events in the future – just add a little competition to the mix 😉 we’ve been amazed at the effort everyone has put in, and their hard work has made for amazing results – they all looked and tasted amazing! (Apart from one rather sad banana loaf, but let’s not go there…!)

Rosie’s Salted Caramel Cupcakes (those beautiful ones in the bottom left hand corner!) were incredible and totally got my vote! You can find the recipe on her blog here and any baking lovers should definitely check out her blog, she’s a wiz in the kitchen and I’m lucky enough to get to test the results every week! (She’ll get my bill for the gastric band I’ll need putting in soon at this rate!) 😉

I’m extra pleased this month, as we’re raising money for Wetwheels Jersey, which my family are heavily involved with. Wetwheels is a lovely charity that provides boating opportunities to wheelchair users and other disabled children and adults – it’s a simple joy in life that most people may take for granted, but that would never be available to these people otherwise.

All in all, a wonderful day that I’m proud to have been a part of! (And I managed to pack an extra plate to take home to the Mr, who was very upset to be missing out today – especially as he wasn’t allowed to try the cheesecake before hand!)

ALS Ice Bucket Challenge!

I knew it wouldn’t take long to swing my way, and sure enough, Mr and I were both nominated for the Ice Bucket Challenge yesterday, so for your viewing pleasure, here is our video!

PS. It was SO COLD and given my charming other half decided to drop it from such a height, it also bloody hurt! Haha 🙂

But it’s all for a fantastic cause, we’ve made our donations and you can too by texting ‘ICED55’ to 70070 to donate £5, or by clicking this link. You can also read up a little more on ALS here.

(Sorry for the poor quality video!)

Deep Breath

What did every one make of the Doctor Who Season Premier???

I really wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about Capaldi, but I think I’m really going to like him.

I think it’s such a fresh take on The Doctor compared to the last few seasons, that he’s different enough to enjoy in his own right. I can’t lie, I miss 11, and I was begrudged to see him go. But then, I was begrudged to see David Tennant go and Matt Smith start, but I quickly loved him just as much – likewise when Tennant replaced Eccleston. I still continue to miss various aspects of the previous, but I find new love for the new doctor, and I think Capaldi will earn his place there too.

New Tattoo!

I just realised I never posted a picture of my tattoo after my session on Wednesday!

The Battle of Flowers

The second Thursday of August, every year for over a century, has been Jersey’s annual flower parade: The Battle of Flowers. Not only is The Battle one of Jersey’s largest tourist attractions, at it’s core it is a beloved and time-honoured tradition for it’s residents.

I grew up dancing on the floats in the festival, and spending hours helping prepare the floats in the months leading up to it. The amount of work that goes into each float is unbelievable, but it certainly pays off, as the finished products are truly breath-taking pieces of art, and the parade is a wonder to behold. 

Jon Richardson, Nidiot Tour

Tonight I am off to see my very favourite comedian, Jon Richardson, who is gracing Jersey with his presence on his Nidiot tour. Excited would be an understatement. This will be the third time I’ve seen him, and I genuinely can’t wait!

For those of you unsure who he is – shame on you! – he is best known as a team captain on 8 Out Of Cats, the panel show with Jimmy Carr.

I honestly adore him, he makes me absolutely howl with laughter! I think the little OCD part of me just relates so much to all his crazy little obsessive ways! In his last tour, he told a story of how his flatmates would do the dishes, thinking they were being really good and helping him, and he’d just think ‘yeah, and I’m going to have to do them again five minutes after you finish!’ – this is pretty much the story of my life – I actually freak out if anyone else wants to do dishes (apart from possibly my mother, who I think instilled this particular obsession in me, and therefore is the only person who can be trusted to clean things well enough!) I’ve even been known to casually do dishes at my friends houses. Sad, I know.

I can’t wait to see what gems he has in store this time (and yes, maybe I think he’s a little dreamy, and maybe that fangirl part of me is hoping he’ll hang around for autographs and photos afterwards…I mean just look at that cute little face! Anyways…) I’m certain I’ve got a great night ahead of me, whatever he comes out with!

If you do enjoy his comedy (or if you don’t know it, in which case you should really check it out!) I highly recommend reading his book, It’s Not Me, It’s You, which has often provided comic relief for me whenever I need cheering up!

Check out his Nidiot Tour dates here: jonrichardsoncomedy.com/dates

Oh Captain, my Captain!

Robin Williams in Hook

I, like so many others, am absolutely devastated to have awoken to the news of Robin Williams death, suspected by suicide.

I find it so sad that a man who brought happiness to the life of so many others, was unable to find it himself.